Forecast: Scattered Terror, or Terror-Like Attacks Expected

Reductio ad absurdum has learned that the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), in keeping with the continued cooperation of governmental and non-governmental agencies in the war on terror, has recently enlisted the National Weather Service. Reductio ad absurdum obtained the following document from a high-level DHS official who requested anonymity because he was not authorized to talk about the weather. Yesterday, the National Weather Service issued this report to the DHS:

Be advised that scattered terror, or terror-like attacks are expected to continue throughout the century. Al-Qaeda inspired operatives with links to associates that are thought to be connected to the suspected al-Qaeda leadership have a 90% chance of raining terror-like conditions across North and South America, Europe, Africa, Asia and Australia.

Doppler radar indicates these areas are conducive to al-Qaeda-like situations and/or al-Qaeda-ish activities. Be on the alert for al-Qaeda operatives, operatives with al-Qaeda sympathies, sympathizers with al-Qaeda operatives and/or operators with sympathies that might be linked to or inspired by al-Qaeda operatives, associates or their suspected leadership. Activities that don’t appear to be related to terrorism, may develop into terrorism and are likely to do so overnight.

The five-day forecast: Reason will continue to give way to hysteria and chances of popular manipulability are high.

There continues to be no meteorological evidence for global warming.

(In case it didn't hit you over the head, 'tis satire and there really, in that strange world of reality, was no report.)