The Walton Women: We’re Rich, Bitch!

by Mik Awake

I'd hate to see any descendants of mine fall into the category of what I call “idle rich” . . . I hope they'll feel compelled to do something productive and useful and challenging.
—Sam Walton, patriarch of the Wal-Mart Dynasty

You know who I am, don’t you? You know my last name?
—Alice Walton, to police who pulled her over for drunk driving in 1998

If he hadn’t kicked the bucket and taken a trip to that Wal-Mart Supercenter in the sky, 88-year-old Sam Walton would today be the world’s richest man—twice as rich as that computer guy. But Walton died in 1992, leaving all of his wealth (not to mention two sweet spots on the board of Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.) to his four children: Sam, Jr., John (who died in a tragic plane crash last year), Jim, and, of course, Alice.

Who could forget dear Alice?

Alice Not In Chains

Every family has its “difficult” child, and the Waltons are no exception. Her name is Alice Walton. She is fifty-six years old and is, as far as anyone knows, unemployed. She is a divorcée, Texas resident, and an avid art collector. She also likes horses.

Oh, and she’s worth $20 billion.

But here’s another thing you might not have known about the only daughter of Sam “Wal-Mart” Walton and the second richest woman in the world (her mother Helen is first): in 1989, Alice Walton killed a person.

In an incident ripped from the pages of The Great Gatsby—with Alice in the role of Daisy—the Wal-Mart heiress was driving in Springdale, Arkansas in her 1987 Porsche when she struck and killed Oleta Hardin, a 50-year-old mother of two. Even though she was speeding when she hit Hardin and had previously been ticketed on more than one occasion that year for reckless driving, no charges were ever brought.

Alice’s troubles behind the wheel didn’t end there. In 1998, she slammed her 4-Runner into a gas meter. When police came to investigate, a thoroughly soused Alice repeatedly asked the officers if they quote-unquote knew who she was. To which, the Inquirer would like to believe she added, “I’m Alice Walton, bitch!”

But Alice is not the only Walton heiress with a rap sheet.

Paigerism

Elizabeth Paige Laurie has three first names and hails from the Bud side of the Walton family. Bud was the co-founder of Wal-Mart and Sam Walton’s younger brother.

Paige, as her friends and family call her, graduated from the University of Southern California in 2004 with a degree in communications. And by “graduate,” we mean “paid her roommate $20,000 over the course of four years to do her homework for her.”

Indeed, a few months after Paige graduated from USC, her former roommate Elena Martinez appeared on “20/20” and alleged that the youngest Walton heiress had paid her to do all of her coursework, including sending personal emails to instructors. From the UK Guardian:

Ms Laurie even criticised Ms Martinez if she thought her work was not up to scratch. "She was a very demanding, expect-the-best boss," Ms Martinez said. "I rarely got a bad grade, but if I did, she'd say, 'This was horrible.' She was pretty picky."

Despite the extra income, Ms Martinez was unable to pay USC's tuition fees and left the college. But Ms Laurie continued to send her coursework.

Perhaps paying low wages is a genetic thing with the Walton family, but whatever the case may be, Paige was forced by USC officials to surrender her degree and return her diploma. The Walton name sullied by the scandal, Paige and her parents relinquished their $25 million naming rights to a new arena at the University of Missouri that was to be christened in their daughter’s honor. Formerly dubbed the Paige Sports Arena, the facility is now known as Mizzou Arena.

Taken together, Alice and Paige have left one ruined academic career, one dead mother, and one busted gas meter in their wake. If their personal lives are in any way indicative of the company that is responsible for their riches, I’d make sure to get the hell out of the way the next time I saw a Wal-Mart or a Walton heiress coming at me.

Simple, cheap, and fast -- The Inquirer's weekly update.

Comments

[Luther]

It seems we have the Waltons from the south and the Kennedeys' representing the north. Both have drunks, killers, and money up the wazoo.

Patrick Kennedy, driving drunk, hit a cement security block and and his father Teddy killed a woman while driving drunk, while Alice hit a gas meter and killed a woman. Teddy was thrown out of Harvard for cheating and Paige had someone cheat for her at USC.

Both families have detox centers named for them across the country.

[Oleta Hardin]

Alice Walton is Satan's helper and we need to exorcise her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MUSIC]

OH WELL DUM AND RICH, THEY STILL THINK THAT MONEY CAN BUY ANYTHING IN LIFE.
WHILE SHE WAS FUCKING AND GETTING HER BRAIN DRUNK, THE SMART CHICK WAS DOING THE HOME WORK WHAT A ""CLICHE"",I MET THOSE AT THE UNIVERSITY THE BUY TEACHERS FRIEND SHIP AND HOME WORK AND AFTER WE GET THEM RUNNING OUR ECONOMY.
BY THE WAY SHE HAVE A STUPID BLOND FACE.

[Paula A]

so the girl cheated, I am not a cheater but I have a problem with the other girl who accepted all this money and used it to; I can imagine go out and have fun, or out to dinners, and then snitched out this walton heir. if she thought it was morally wrong and thats why she came forward I dont remember hearing anything about this scum bag returning the money or donating it to some sort of anti cheating organization, she is just as bad if not worse than the walton heir, at least she gave back her diploma. Elena Martinez dont for one second think you are better than this girl, if anything you are worse!

[Paula A]

a few more things elena you are an idiot, you are not a great negotiator if all you got was a lousy 20k, you didnt realize all the power you had in this situation. I would never hire someone like you because you cant even see the crazy opportunities that would be available to you if you had kept your stupid mouth shut and milked your little pot of gold. imbecille.

[Supra Shoes]

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[william matherly]

you have no right to say shit about alice walton she is a great person every one makes mistakes no one is perfect but alice walton is so go to hell and dont never bad talk my friend again.