Art of Characterization
Are You Describing Wine or Your Future Wife?
by Jessica Stillman
A hefty old guy on the golf course, or a Châteauneuf-du-Pape La Reine des Bois 2004? “A powerhouse for the vintage . . . marvelously balanced despite its weight.”
Wine reviewers have a knack for description. In fact, their creative use of the English language could teach a fiction writer a thing or two about creative characterization, and the examples—hilarious and often outlandish—are seemingly endless.
• A date that’s a bit of a stiff? No, a Finca Mirador Mendoza 2004: “Tightly drawn for now . . . Lovely, but patience is required.”
• The sharp-witted woman you eventually marry: “Alluring, layered . . . long finish stays riveting thanks to superfine acidity.” Also, a $145 bottle of Rio Negro Valley 2004.
• Overexcited football fan raising a ruckus next door? Maybe it’s just a “brawny” Barossa Valley 2004 that “needs time to settle down.”
• Femme Fatale in the employ of an international intelligence service, or a Shiraz Barossa Valley 2002? “Dark, juicy and profound, with layer upon layer seamlessly knit into a cohesive whole. Has tremendous style, intensity and a long life ahead.”
• If this Malbec Uco Valley Alfa Crux 2003 were a guy, I wouldn’t want to get to know him: “A flamboyant style, with lots of bacony, spicy toast . . . yet stays focused. Great mouthfeel.”
And if it freaks you out when your wine resembles familiar human types, you can always go for an S2 McLaren Valley 2004, which is more “like a big floating ship.”
Thanks to the reviewers at Wine Spectator for demonstrating that adjectives such as fleshy, lithe, taut, brawny, upstanding and firm can be used for liquids as well as solids, beverages as well as friends and colleagues.
(Wineglass from Tom Q's photostream.)
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This article, or a Chateaubriand '98: "Hilarious, sanguine, online even." I wonder if they'll start giving out MFA's in oenology. I also wonder if Snagglepuss was a writer for Wine Spectator in a former life.
Posted by: Francis | Friday, October 20, 2006 at 12:24 PM