The New York Inquirer: Learn English the INSANE!!! Way

As Chinese citizens rush to become active members of the world economy, the demand for English speakers in China is skyrocketing. Among the many who are profiteering from this trend is Chinese-native Li Yang. His “Crazy English” method of teaching has an estimated 20 million devotees. In response to his success, several imitators have sprung up. What you are about to read is the press release of one such imitator. Any similarities to Li “Crazy Lee” Yang or his Crazy English method of teaching English are purely coincidental.]

Hi!!!

I’m Li Wang!!! You might know me from my English instructional tapes and books: “Insane English with Li Wang.”

But if you don’t know me, now you do!!! Hello, Insane Americans!!! Haaaahahahaha!!! I’m Li “Insane Lee” Wang, inventor of the “Insane English” method of teaching English to God’s Chosen people.

No, silly, not the Jews. The Chinese!!!!

You might be asking yourself: “Li, what is this ‘Insane English’ you speak of?”

Well, be patient, and I’ll tell you!!!! Haaaaahahaha!!!!

I am sure you have heard of Li Yang’s “Crazy English.” Li Yang teaches you that shouting English from the tops of buildings at the tops of your lungs will help you learn to speak it with more confidence.

I admit–I too was suckered into listening to Li Yang’s tapes to help prepare for the TEM 4 standardized college English test, but I found that, even though the results were somewhat promising, it really wasn’t pushing the envelope far enough.

Which is why I invented INSANE ENGLISH with me, Li Wang!!!

“How is it different,” you might ask?!?!?! Because I say it is . . . And so do the purple seven-headed giants living in my closet!!!

“Insane English” just takes Crazy English to its ultimate, logical conclusion. Teaching students how to be stark raving mad so that they can learn the most insane of insane dog-languages, English!!!

Unlike my nemesis “Crazy” Lee, who is not really crazy, I, Li Wang, am actually, clinically 100% insane!!!

What’s more, foolish Americans, I love your country, unlike that impostor Li Yang!!! Here’s what “Crazy” Lee has to say about your nation-state:

English is merely a tool for earning money. It’s an inferior language that relies on an alphabet with just 26 letters. How can it even compare to our language, with a sea of Chinese characters? [ed: This is an actual quote from Li Yang.]

“Inferior language”!?!?! Methinks I smell an ultra-nationalist!!!

I, Li Wang—please, call me “Insane Lee”—am no racist, my American friends!!! I think you have such a beautiful language (for a nation of half-breeds), and the Chinese language is not so much a sea as it is a hideous dragon with dreadlocks and Chairman Mao’s face, who breathes clouds of nerve gas, all while playing the Chinese national anthem on an old electric guitar made of Richard Nixon’s body that shimmers with the fires of Hell!!!

Anyway, I encourage you to buy my motivational and instructional materials if you would like to learn to speak English with the confidence of only the most insane people!!! I am also branching out into new industries under my company, Insane Industries, LLC!!! “Insane Combat Karate,” “Insane Vegetarian Stir-Fry Cooking,” and “Insane Tai-Chi Workouts”!!!! All taught by 100%, fully licensed maniacs with no expertise in their fields whatsoever!!!!

Li Yang might say, “Be crazy!!! Every minute!!! Every day!!! Everywhere!!!”

But my motto is even better: “I’m not just crazy about learning: I, Li Wang, am completely insane!!!!”

Hahahahahahaaaa!!!

(Image from flickr.)