Giants Still Ballin'

by Bryan Joiner

On the Giants: just win, baby. 14-10 over the Houston Texans. Ballin' . . .

. . . Crazy game in the D.C. A slew of botched field goals and penalties set up a winning field goal with no time left allowing Washington a 22-19 win, adding another chapter to the rivalry between the universally-despised-outside-of-Texas Cowboys and egregiously racistly-monikered Redskins. Honestly, these are probably the two most despicable franchises in football, and that's before we get to . . .

. . . Terrell Owens, who was slapped with a 15-yard taunting penalty for using the ball as an prop after scoring a touchdown, a new no-no this year. Dallas coach Bill Parcells screamed at T.O. on the sidelines for the infraction, and I'm no lip reader, but I'm pretty sure T.O. was yelling, "That's what I'm about!" right back at him. Of course, T.O. dropped a sure touchdown pass later in the game and gave a brutally insincere press conference where he apologized for his mistake. Owens is pretty much the biggest asshole in the history of sports that wasn't an outright bigot like Ty Cobb or John Rocker . . .

. . . WTF? Game of the Day: Detroit 30, Atlanta 14. Atlanta had the best rushing offense in the league and the Lions were missing their three big defensive lineman. Go figure . . .

. . . WTF? Game of the Day 2: Miami 31, Chicago 13. In some ways, this one was less surprising than the Atlanta game because of Chicago's near-escape over lowly Arizona a few weeks ago. That game exposed the Bears' flaws — as in, Rex Grossman is not yet Johnny Unitas — and Miami took full advantage by blitzing the crap out of him. The Bears' undefeated dreams are over, and next up are the Giants, who essentially get the "Bears Answer Key" with the Miami game tape . . .

. . . Baltimore 26, Cincinnati 20. Bengals WR T.J. Houshmandzedah: "We've got better players than they do." Apparently you don't . . .

. . . Tuesday's battle for Missouri is a dead heat between Senate candidates Jim Talent and Claire McCaskill (Vote McCaskill, Missouri readers). Sunday's wasn't so close: Kansas City 31, St. Louis 17 . . .

. . . My only friend, the end: Bills 24, Packers 10. Buffalo running back Willis McGahee gets hurt (again), but it doesn't matter. It's the last time Brett Favre will ever lose in Buffalo. Like you care . . .

. . . Entertaining televised game of the day: Denver 31, Pittsburgh 20. You can't stop the Snake! Jake Plummer, majestic beard and all threw for three touchdowns, and the defending champions fell to 2-6, effectively eliminating them from the playoffs. Ben Roethlisberger threw for 433 freaking yards but was intercepted three times, twice by Champ Bailey, who's the best cornerback in the league right now, hands down. Broncos WR Javon Walker scores three touchdowns, fools cameraman . . .

. . . New Orleans over Tampa, 31-14; Jacksonville over Tennessee, 37-7; San Diego over Cleveland, 32-25; San Francisco tops Minnesota, 9-3. Not a misprint . . .

. . . Disgusting game of the day: Indianapolis 27, New England 20. Ugh. Some games live up to their hype, some games don’t. This one didn't. New England consistently beat Indy until last year, when the Colts definitively turned the tables on the 3-time champions. This year figured to be closer, and it was, but I don't think we learned much outside of the fact the AFC Championship game will be played in Indiana, and that no one could reasonably argue that Tom Brady better than Peyton Manning right-the-fuck-now.

Manning played egregiously well all night while getting pounded; Brady threw four interceptions, three of them off deflections. Now, any one of those three balls doesn't go straight to a Colts defender and we probably have a different result, but that's why you play the games. Patriots safety Rodney Harrison gets hurt in the first quarter (big loss for the otherwise mediocre pass defense), Colts WR Marvin Harrison makes a highlight-reel catch on the eventually game winner in the fourth, and the referees decide to embarrass themselves on national TV, handing out bad calls to both teams. Guess those new shirts were getting enough attention . . .

. . . Tuesday update: Seattle 16, Oakland 0. We didn't watch this game, and you shouldn't have, either.