Will TomKat's Scientology Ceremony Be Silent?

Seeing as my invite to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' wedding must have gotten lost in the mail, I’ll have to wait impatiently for the inevitable “exclusive” coverage (in all 200 celebrity weeklies) of Saturday’s nuptials.

The whole Scientology celeb squad will be there for sure: Will and Jada, John Travolta and Kelly Preston, and the spirit of L. Ron Hubbard, a.k.a. Suri Cruise. I’m hoping the cast of Dawson’s Creek makes it out; I’d pay money to see Pacey and Dawson jump Tom Cruise before the ceremony in the ultimate love triangle blow-out.

It was surprising that the wedding plans were kept so secret, considering how “out” Mr. Cruise has been about every other aspect of his relationship to Joey Potter Katie Holmes. But the few details that we do know — the event will be held in Italy . . . Armani is designing the wedding gown . . . Cruise will be wearing platform lifts — are hardly the couch jumping tone of the last year of this peculiar relationship.

(Okay, I made up the part about the lifts.)

So what about the actual ceremony? After all, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the concept of a silent birth. Will the bride and groom ride out on a carriage made to look like a spaceship? Will people be reading passages from Dianetics instead of poems by Elizabeth Barrett Browning? Will Travolta do a rousing monologue from Battlefield Earth?

To find out more, I visited my new favorite website, scientology.org to find out what is involved in a wedding, L. Ron Hubbard-style:

“Scientology wedding ceremonies have considerable meaning to all who attend. For example, a basic concept in the Scientology religion is that reality is created by agreement. The wedding is a gathering of family and friends who, during the ceremony, are asked to give their agreement to the union and its lasting happiness. This is not considered rhetorical or symbolic, but a tangible and important contribution to the future of the couple by the group to which they belong.

A Scientology minister performs Scientology wedding ceremonies. With similar protocol to weddings in other churches, with the bridal procession, the traditional role of the father of the bride and best man, and the traditional seating of the respective families and friends. Above all, however, Scientology weddings are joyous celebrations of the new union.”

Disappointingly, this sounds like any other run of the mill wedding ceremony. I bet they save the weird stuff for the reception.

My hope is that Katie's father will walk her half-way down the aisle before he comes to his senses, runs away with her and throws her into an unmarked van filled with deprogrammers who will bring her back to Capeside where she belongs. --ELIZABETH KEENAN

(TomKat cruisin' from ucruci2's flickr.)

Comments

[Scientolocat]

Liz, you rock. Poor, poor Katie.