Buried Treasure (Treasure?) in Yesterday's Sunday New York Times

Compiled by Tobly McSmith

What's Easter Without Some Gossiping on the Pope?

Miracles and the Fast Track dishes on Pope Benedict. Burn! To save some Pope face, Benny waived the five year waiting period after ex-Pope John Paul's death to begin consideration for sainthood. But everyone knows that JPaul only has one miracle under his belt (a nun swearing she was cured of Parkinson's simply by praying to him) and needs three miracles to be sainted. Some people think that other, "less dramatic, tests would better serve the modern church."

Best Headline: "Sex Offenders Living Under Miami Bridge"

Needless to say, I was interested. As it turns out, the ordinance restricting sex offenders from living close to schools, parks, and other places children gather has made it hard to find housing. The story is about 5 offenders calling a slab of concrete under a bridge home. This package deal comes with authorization from the court to live outdoors, curfew forcing them to stay under the bridge from 10 PM to 6 AM which is checked on nightly by a parole officer, and living in constant fear of being harassed for canoodling with America's Youth.

According to 2 Years After Big Speech, a Lower Key for Obama

Barack Obama is different, again. During his town hall Mr. Obama forfeits jokes and "red-meat lines" meant to get applause and, I don't know, keeps the crowd awake by speaking in "even, measured tones, and at times is so low key he lulls his audience into long, if respectable, silences." Thanks for the warning. I don't want to attend a speech, lose all hope for audacity, get bored, and end up spending the hour imagining Obama with no clothes on forfeiting my chance for sainthood.

Proceed to Checkout

In a review of the book Consumed, Pamela Paul finds indiscretions like commenting about Hollywood tabloid couple Jennifer Lopez and Brad Pitt. How embarrassing for Angelina and all the world's babies that Brad owns! One of the book's big ideas: in a world saturated with Wiis and iPhones, grown men and women are retreating back into a mind-set of "induced childishness in which adults pursue adolescent lifestyles." The "infantilization" of consumers have adults approaching buying unneeded stuff with the childlike flair of "Gimmie and I want it now." Sounds like some adults need a spanky. Or perhaps a night under a bridge in Miami.