Pedro Martinez's Obscure Statistical Categories

In the spirit of an opening day, we're following the lead of the sports blog Rumors and Rants and their survey of favorite baseball players. Without further ado . . .

My favorite baseball player is Pedro Martinez. If you are a Red Sox fan of a certain age—from 6 to about 93—there is no other credible answer. He is one of the best pitchers of all time, one of the funniest and smartest athletes to play any professional sport, and the all-time leader in the obscure statistical category, "Times throwing bald septugenarian bench coaches of your archrival to the ground in the playoffs by their heads without it being at all inappropriate your fault." (He is also the leader in the related category, "Times photo of said incident has become desktop wallpaper," with about 10 million.)  He followed all that up by growing an unimitatible jheri curl, began bringing the world's third smallest man into the Boston dugout and helped the Red Sox win their first World Series title in 86 years, which is pretty much enough for me.—BRYAN JOINER