Bare Buns Bagpiper Strikes Again!

Why does this keep happening? Here's from a recent chilly day, or here's another. And another.

A Prostitute, A Denizen, A Murder

(Originally published 11/1/06.)

by Andrew Bast

Every murder’s worth a story, but few stories are worth retelling. Sure, the story of a Ukranian mail-order bride plugging her banker husband in their Park Avenue penthouse could be resuscitated for a Law and Order episode, but the truth is that a crime has to be a real doozy to be remembered.

So, in the spirit of Halloween, The Inquirer teamed up with Eric Robinson from the New York Historical Society to re-assemble three of New York City’s most gnarly, ghastly, and ghoulish murders on record. Interestingly enough, each involved a prostitute and a denizen, one corrupted by boss-run Tammany Hall (oh, the outrage!).

Boo Hoo York City: It's Over

The Boo York City issue has come to a close. Que lastima, but it was a good ride. In case you bought your ticket late, you can either read the entire issue here, or check out our cover stories:

• A PROSTITUTE, A DENIZEN, A MURDER | The Inquirer teamed up with the New York Historical Society to re-assemble three of New York City’s most gnarly, ghastly, and ghoulish murders on record.
• STRANGERS WITH CANDY | What's it take to go trick or treatin' in this city, after all? Damn co-ops.
• GHOSTS OF NEW YORK CITY | Editor Elizabeth Keenan writes up eight local haunts (har! har!) that are known to be home to, well, ghosts.
• INTERVIEW DATE WITH A VAMPIRE | Mik Awake endeavors the truly frightening: scoring a date with a vampire, on craigslist.

Dress Like a Slut Day

We at The Inquirer are a just a little tired of the innumerable “sexy costume” features that have run this week about the unending selection of absurd getups--from “Sexy Grim Reaper” to “Miss Foul Play” (AKA Sexy Ref)--we get it, girls like to whore it up on Halloween. But, if you dare to bare, at least put some thought and humor into it.

Face it, we're laughing at you regardless.

If Halloween is really becoming “Dress Like a Slut Day” how about we infuse some creativity into the mix? Really, how many more Halloweens with “Sexy” Little Red Riding Hoods can we stomach? Granted, many of the females donning sexy outfits will be frightening for sure, but the real terror lies in their lack of friends telling them that their “Sexy Cop” costume isn’t quite covering the parts of them that are better left to the imagination. 

Gone are the days when “sexy nurse” and “sexy cop” make the cut in the “come hither”  department. When Sarah Silverman dressed as “Sexy Hitler,” she raised the bar for ambitious women everywhere trying to “out sexy” each other with absurd and ridiculous excuses to let it all hang out. While some women may still see Halloween as a day to slather on the sparkles, thigh-highs, and push-up bras, the rest of us are tired of looking at cleavage and love handles that are spilling over too-tight mini-skirts and half shirts. Muffin tops do not a costume make.

God forbid you have fallen victim. Regardless, here are some suggestions that might inspire something sufferable next year. Or maybe you have some ideas about how to “out-sex” the troves of ladies who’ll be bearing their T&A in the unseasonably warm weather this evening. Share your ideas with us, the less tasteful, the better.

Interview Date With a Vampire

by Mik Awake

Ja Rule mantras aside, pain is love, and in New York—especially around the holidays—this couldn’t be more true. Contrary to popular belief, the holidays actually make single people incredibly thankful that we’re not in relationships. Presents, dates, parties perpetually ending in drunk arguments or a staggering number of ATM visits. In many ways, it pays to be alone.

When the editors at The Inquirer heard that I didn’t have a date for Halloween, they pitied me before breaking into evil grins. Deciding to launch me on an adventure at once macabre and potentially titillating, “Mik,” they said. “What if you tried to get a date for Halloween–with a vampire?”

Hey, why not? Convincing a good-humored friend to dress up as a vampire (fangs, cape, and maybe a teddy?) would be easy enough.

No, they said. A real date with a real vampire.

A Bad Year for Pumpkins

by Cat Spencer

Consider the pumpkin: smooth orange skin bouncing along the interstate like a basketball, stem already brown and dry, the pumpkin awaits a fate it can only hope is in pie or soup form, only to be purchased, gouged, and eviscerated like many a medieval heretic.

It’s autumn in New York, and why does it seem so inviting? Maybe because pumpkins are friggin’ everywhere!

Suck My Sickle!

(Halloween billboard by our man with a pen, Dustin Glick.)

Strangers with Candy

by Bryan Joiner

I grew up in a town so small that you didn't worry about trick-or-treating because you knew the people you knew, and for all intents and purposes, you knew the people you didn't know.

It was, in other words, the exact opposite of the way it is in New York City. That's why it's hard for me to fathom FDNY Halloween Safety Tip number 17: "Never accept candy from strangers." Strangers are people you don’t know, but even the people you know here are pretty kooky.

Ghosts of New York

by Elizabeth Keenan

Scores of New Yorkers joke that they’ll never give up their favorite bar stool or will only be removed from their rent-stabilized apartments in a body bag. For some, even death isn’t enough to evict them completely.

While Manhattan does not quite fit the cinematic imaginings of haunted dwellings like the classic house in Psycho or the split-ranch built on the cemetery in Poltergeist, it has just as many supposedly haunted sites as it does Original Ray’s Pizzas.

Will Trick or Treating Survive?

The number of trick or treaters dropped by almost 300,000 from 2004 to 2005. Could a trend be forming? What will happen in '06?

After all, the holiday demands more than a billion pounds of pumpkins, and that's serious business.

Here's some more silly halloween stats.